The brain of a child during exam gets fried like a KFC chicken. The stress toxins apply a thick layer of garam masala (sadness and fatigue) over their souls. Kids end up resembling like zombies of The Resident Evil or The Walking Dead.
Parents and teachers play a very important role in the life of a child. Great parenting and teaching are essential. It becomes our responsibility to help and support them in every possible way.
If you are a parent or a teacher, close your eyes and ask yourself: "Do I wish for success or happiness for my child?"
Personal success coach and writer, Kathy Caprino interviewed psychology expert and bestselling author Shawn Achor for Forbes to learn and understand the difference between success and happiness. Shawn tells her that people think "getting a great job or winning a next promotion, losing those ten pounds, or (fill in the blank), then happiness will follow.”
But according to psychological research carried out by Shawn, "Happiness fuels success and it isn't the other way around." He tells Kathy, "When we are positive, our brains become more engaged, creative, motivated, energetic, resilient, and productive at work. This isn't just an empty mantra. This discovery has been borne out repeatedly by rigorous research in psychology and neuroscience, management studies, and the bottom lines of organization around the world."
So, back to my question; "Do I wish for success or happiness for my child?"
If you wish for happiness, I guess it is about time we change our ancient thoughts and adapt to new principles.
Here are three simple tips which will make a huge positive difference to your child's well being.
(1) Tell them you will love them no matter what.
This three word - "I love you" - is one of the most powerful statement in the history of mankind. Telling someone how much we love is extraordinary yet we never actually say it out loud. We rather spend a lot of time shouting and yelling curses but saying how much we love is often hushed up.
When you remind your child time and again that they mean a lot to you, it will give them peace and hope beyond measure. Letting them know that you will love them no matter what, will give them the confidence to face obstacles thrown by the world.
It is also vital to love ourselves to offer our love to someone else.
According to a blog post in Barking Up The Wrong Tree, "Extensive research has established a substantial link between mothers who feel depressed and “negative outcomes” in their children, such as acting out and other behavior problems. Parental depression actually seems to cause behavioral problems in kids; it also makes our parenting less effective."
So mums out there, stop behaving like Mother India or Meryl Streep. Love yourself and then spread the love to everyone else.
(2) Never compare.
Parents and teachers love to do this. It has become a part of our culture to compare, measure and gossip the success of a handsome boy or a girl (the relative of your nosy aunty or neighbor) who is doing very well at "the Gulf" or the "US."
Comparing the success and failure rate of your child with someone else's will break her self-confidence like a glass.
Your child is a human. She is not an iPhone X or a motel room which you can compare mercilessly online. Never compare your child's marks with some random kid. Do you think her marks will help her succeed in life?
IT WON'T! But family support and love will always push a child towards success.
In an article published by the Huffington Post, comparing leads to self-doubt, jealousy will take root, it will breed negativity, it will damage the parent-child relationship and they will grow into jittery and nervous adults.
(3) Effort Matters.
Tell your child that you know how much she works hard. It is important to let them know that during their ups and downs, you will be always stick and support them.
Tell them not to worry about chachi or dadi's annoying rants. (Beti, why so low marks?!) Tell them: "I'll still cook your favourite dahi vada, no matter what marks you score and I will always love you."
Stanford Psychologist, Dr. Carol Dweck’s researched that children who concentrated more on effort and attitude achieved greater success in the long run.
Raising a happy child should be our priority. Happiness leads to success. Expressing our love to our child will make her face the hurdles of life. It's time we shower our kids with love they deserve. Little faith and trust can move mountains.